"Dear Mandy"

I have seen so many youth lately that remind me of myself at the same age. The same battles, similar situations, some worse situations....the same mindset, the same mistakes, the same pain....the same longing for peace that they cannot find. I see the same struggle for them being in church praising God one minute, and in less than in hour they are back in the same mess they walked out of, because they really have no power or control over their environment. Such kids have grown up all too fast, and as young teenagers are running around like little adults. It took me all too long to come to the realization that God was the only one who could heal my from the pain of my childhood. Not the idea of God, not going to church every Sunday, not standing in a prayer line, not religion or religious acts....a personal relationship with the Father. I first had to learn how to see myself as God saw me, and as I learned who I was in Him, I learned I had a huge misconception of life. This is a list of things I would like to write to a younger me. I wish then I knew what I do now, I wish I knew that my life would turn out to be wonderful! I wish I knew that God had a handpicked husband for me, who would love me through all the difficulties of life. For better or for worse, I first found unconditional love in My Ryan, and through him I saw the true character of God. So, here is my letter/list of things to myself....

Dear Mandy,

1. I want to tell you that you are loved. You are loved beyond words, by so many more people than you know! 

2. Love is not supposed to hurt. In fact, it doesn't hurt. Please do not build up a wall against love. Although you have had more people hurt you in ways that are not describable, there are people who truly love you now, the good bad and ugly. These people are in your life right now!! Please do not push them away, they are there because God has placed them there. Satan will do everything he can to destroy the image of love in your vulnerable mind.

3. Your parents love you. They are going through very difficult things in their own lives, things that you do not know about. You will be hurt, young one....but you will also find healing.

4. Stay close to Jessy. You will always need each other. Miles may separate you, different opinions will separate you, but nothing will separate the bond that you have with your sister. You will be very close in your adult life. You do not have to see someone every day to be close to them.

5. Don't hurt yourself. Please do not fall into the trap of hating yourself. Know, with all of your heart, that Satan is out to kill, steal, and destroy you. He hates you. Love yourself, you are worth it.

6. Keep writing. Always keep writing. 

7. You will make mistakes. Get up and keep going. There is no condemnation in Christ. You will waste so much time in guilt that Jesus took to the cross. If you let it, guilt will keep you from God. Pick yourself up, let him heal you from the fall, and keep pressing on.

Poetry...

I Just realized that I had no poetry in my blog, and I have written probably hundreds over the years. Here is one that I wrote a year ago! I am so glad that God has healed me of the things that tried to destroy me.  I never title my poems because I can never seem to find a fitting title....enjoy :)

To say the past is real
Is not saying my God cannot heal
Wounds so deep, roots took place
Digging them up required raw faith
Pressing forward to new tomorrows
Letting go of deadly sorrows
The past is real, but it''s not where I live
A man on a cross all my yesterdays I give
Blood trickles down and cleanses my soul
Regardless of my past, today I am whole
I lay down the memories, the sorrow and loss
I'm living day to day
In the shadow of the cross

Just a taste.

We were blessed to receive so many invitations for different holiday dinners this year. It was wonderful to not have to cook full meals much during my two week break! I have a deep love for food! That is how I got my gorgeous figure haha! I really do though, I love food! Ask Ryan, I will slap the hand of anyone who tries touching food off of my plate! This leads us into my most recent revelation :D

Picture this, if you would:

You go to Grandma's house for dinner, the smell of ham baking in the oven and sweet corn simmering on the stove fill the air. After exchanging "Hello's" and "How are you's"....it is time to sit down and eat. Naturally you wait for the host of the dinner to say the prayer over the food, anticipation sits in the pit of your stomach. With watering mouths everyone says "Amen" in unison, as Grandma then breaks the news that you are to only taste each of the items on the table. There is more than enough food to fill everyone plus the neighbors, but you are only offered a small taste. You hesitantly serve yourself a sample portion of everything offered, eating it slowly to trick yourself into feeling fulfilled. You keep to yourself the fact that you desire more, that you are not full or satisfied. What do you do next? Do you ask for more food? Do you walk away hungry?

Here we go :)

Psalms 34:8 says, "Taste and see that the Lord is good..."
How often do we go to church expecting only a taste? God desires us to dig deeper! He offers us a taste, and beckons us to go back for more. It is indeed an option though. We have the choice to make! Have you ever been in a worship service that you didn't want to end? Why end it? Why stop before the spirit is done? We should never be satisfied. I feel so strong in my Spirit that God is saying 2015 will be a year of "more". He will pour out His spirit more than we have ever seen, we will walk in a deeper level, we will not walk away until we are full, and we will come back as soon as the hunger pains start, we won't even wait until we are starving. Just a taste is not enough for me! My soul cries for more. There is a stronger anointing on worship than ever! God is saying, "taste and see....." Naturally if you taste something that is pleasing to you, you do not just stop there. You fill up before you walk away! God is saying to His people, come closer-closer than you have ever been. Just like the illustration of dinner at Grandma's, there is more than enough food to fill every person at the table! God has so much more for His people. We have to want it, we have to chase it, we have to live and breathe it. When David wrote these words, "Taste and see that the Lord is good...", I just cannot believe that his intentions were for us to only taste, the intentions were for us to see how good God is, and for us to stay and dine.