Freedom.

Something is stirring in my spirit, and I have to get this out! I felt like I could have preached up a storm today, and let me be the first to tell you that this Mama don't preach! Something rose up in me during our worship service, and it has just been bubbling inside me ever since. We sing a song by The Vertical Church Band titled Going Free. It is a pretty up beat song, here is some of the lyrics:

Go on and speak against my borrowed innocence
The judge is my defense, I'm going free
Right when the gavel fell, I heard the freedom bell
Ring through the heart of hell, I'm going free
I’m going free

Glory, glory, hallelujah
You threw my shackles in the sea
Glory, glory, hallelujah
Jesus is my liberty
I'm going free

In case you are reading this and haven't read any of my recent entries, I will fill you in on something Jesus and I have been discussing! I have this obsession lately of really digging into song lyrics. I have been burdened with how intimate worship should be. It should never just be a going through the motions act (not saying that it never gets that way, come on now...we are human). As we were singing this today, I started thinking about my freedom. It says "Glory, glory, hallelujah, You threw my shackles in the sea" -- STOP! Here is where I start to get excited! I'm getting all giddy right now just writing this! Worship is intimate, and it is corporate yes, but it is oh so personal. As I was belting this out I got to thinking of the things in my past that have bound me. Oh yes. You see, I have had shackles binding me. I have been through things that nobody knows about. I have fought battles that I have never spoken a word of to a single living soul. God has delivered me from so much....and the only one who knows is my Jesus. He is the only one who knows EXACTLY what I am saying when I shout "Glory, glory, hallelujah, You threw my shackles in the sea!!!!".....and going on to sing..."Right when the gavel fell, I heard the FREEDOM bell, ring through the heart of hell I'm going free!!!"....Oh hallelujah!!! How in the world can a person sing this song and not want to SHOUT??!!! I was bound, and now I am free!! The things that used to trip me up do not have that hold on me any more! 

About six months ago I started praying that I would be able to be more sensitive to the spirit. Sometimes I just feel like I do not know how to be emotional. I longed to be able to get into a place in worship where I could cry, maybe because tears are proof of feeling something-a sign of life. I just have a tough personality, I am not easily moved by things. God is moving though, I cannot hardly get through a song service where I do not cry. God is softening my heart. As I type these words I am desperate to describe what it means to me that God is changing me. Words seem to be failing me as of now, because I just cannot describe what I am feeling in my spirit. I am free! I guess to really know true freedom, we have to have been bound at some point. I'm beginning to ramble, possibly because it is almost two in the morning :D 

I'm going to wrap things up here. I praise God that I can truly say that He has thrown my shackles in the sea, and I have no desire to go swimming after them (isn't it odd that we tend to chase what bogs us down?). The battles I have fought I never fought alone. God knows the depths of the things that I have faced. He knows how far I have come in Him. I'm going deeper, something is stirring up in me! 

Jesus Loves Me

This morning as I was praying on my way to work, the song Jesus Loves Me popped into my head. It was stuck in my head all day. Allow me to bring back to your remembrance the lyrics to the song every one I know learned as a child.

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
I am weak but he is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
Yes, Jesus loves me
The Bible tells me so

I do not think I have ever really payed any attention to the powerful words of this song until about ten minutes ago while I was scrubbing the boys toilet. Side note, isn't it funny when we hear God speaking to us? I was cleaning the nasty pee ring Nikolai leaves behind because he cannot aim. And right there, with my hands in muck, God spoke.

I do not remember a time when I did not know this song. How is it possible that I have never let these words sink it? I honestly just thought it was "me" thinking of this simple tune this morning. I think God was trying to tell me something. -- Wait for it. -- Jesus loves me. How do I know? I know because the Bible tells me so. JESUS LOVES ME! Come on now, I cannot be the only person who forgets how much I am loved. I cannot be the only person who has heard this song 900,000 times and just now listened to it. How true it is, I am weak but He is strong. Yes, Jesus loves ME.

I hear people (in and out of church) talking about how God isn't here or there, could it be that we are spreading God, but we just aren't paying attention to it? Could it be that we as a church should go back to the basics of Christianity? Really, have we sat back while some of the basics of our foundation were being watered down? Jesus loves me....It was sang over me well before I knew the depth or pain of any love that Jesus loves me. It is such a personal song. We serve such a personal God. He doesn't look down on us in disgust, he looks down on us in love.

If you take anything away from this post, let it be this. Think of five songs that you remember from church when you were little. Write down the names and Google the lyrics if you have to. Do we really know what we are singing? Now think of five songs you have sang in church the last month. Look at the lyrics. Praise and worship is meant to be so much deeper and more personal than we make it. These are the cries of our heart going up as a sweet fragrance to the God of the universe.

For the Bible tells me so. No complicated questions asked. No theologians needed. Simply because the Bible tells us so. Teach me more simplicity God. Maybe that is what I am lacking.