Raw emotions. This is my heart tonight (this morning).

Let me just start out by saying that this will not be a happy, fluffy post. I do not even wish to portray what I need to say in such a fashion. I am angry. Fed up. Disgusted. Enraged. Furious. Irate. I am done. I am so sick of people I love dearly going through hell. I mean hell. Satan is a liar. He holds no truth. Zip, zilch, notta. He also holds no authority over God's people! No authority. Go ahead, read that one more time....NO AUTHORITY!!! I am drawing a line in the sand. I serve a mighty God who has all authority, and through Him I also hold great power. I refuse to sit back and watch Satan tear apart finances, families, dreams and personal relationships any longer. I will intercede on their behalf. We are to hold one another up in prayer in these times of great trials. Lord knows I have been on the holding up end of things more often than I would like to admit.

When I started this new job, one of the things that was difficult for me to grasp was that my position holds a lot of authority. I make the calls. People come to me for answers. I had very little confidence in my ability to call the shots. The longer I am there, the more comfortable I become in my position of authority. God showed me that this lesson was not only in the natural, but in the spiritual aspect as well. I have never seen myself as anyone with spiritual authority. I come from a mess of a background, didn't spend my entire life in church, I don't sing or play any instruments....but God has not called me to do any of those things. He has called me to use my past brokenness to help put others back together. I know what rejection feels like. I know what loneliness feels like. At one point I defined self hatred. I have been close to ending my own life. I have been so numb to pain that I refuse to feel anything. I know how to pray for these people. I was once in their shoes. God has called me to use authority over Satan. He has called me to pray over the painful areas in peoples lives that are rooted into who Satan wants them to think they are. He has given me a sensitivity to situations that seem hopeless.

The cry of my heart at one in the morning:

Lord I come to you, and I thank you that you have equipped me God. You have called me and prepared me for such a time as this. I command Satan to loose his hand off of my family. I speak salvation over my family members who need it. I speak deliverance where it is needed. I speak peace over every situation going on in my life right now. I place this all in Your hands Lord. I speak peace over my Husband and his career. We only want what you want for us Lord. I pray a calmness over my sister in law. I pray healing to the relationships in that situation. I thank you God for stirring me in the middle of the night. I pray financial breakthrough over my in-laws. I pray health over my in-laws. I command diabetes, high blood pressure, and arthritis, any blood clots and heart problems to go in Jesus name. I thank you God that Grandma will have a quick recovery from surgery. I pray peace over her as she prepares for this big event in her life. I thank you Lord that the Dr. will see Your hand at work in Grandma's recovery. I thank you Lord for stirring up this Holy anger in me. I thank you for the authority over the enemy that you have placed upon me. I thank you for your blood, Lord. Oh the precious blood of Jesus.

Change.

I woke up early this morning, for some unknown reason. As soon as my eyes opened I was instantly wide awake. I was going to go sit outside on the porch for a while, but it was raining. As I looked outside it was dark and gloomy. I stood there in the living room with my door open, listening to all the sounds the Mt. Victory had to offer at 6:45 in the morning. The rain falling freely was so full of peace. The wind was blowing heavily, tearing leaves away from the tree they had spent the summer on. The leaves that stayed have changed colors in the last few weeks. They illuminate the community with their bright yellows and oranges and reds. My favorite time of the year. I have always thought that I was afraid of change. That it set me back and terrified me. But as I was standing at my door I began to birth a hunger for change. As much as we say we hate it, we all long for it. When it is summer, we cannot wait until fall. When it is winter we cannot wait until summer. When my hair is curly, I wish it were straight. If we stay in one weekend, I wish we were out do something. If we are out running around, I wish we were home. Have we (or I) become this monster who is never happy? The rain had stopped at this point, and I was well aware that it was too early in the morning to be having such deep conversation with myself. I realized today though that I am kind of excited for change. I long to see the bare trees. Maybe even to see some snow on the ground. I want to be content. I want to be happy when things are not changing, and to embrace change when it comes. I do not want to be so comfortable where I am that I miss out on what is next. There is a huge possibility that this doesn't make sense, and that is fine. It was the changing leaves that brought this all to my attention. The rain that I knew wasn't here to stay. The darkness of early morning that would soon turn to light. Change. It surrounds us, and it is a beautiful thing.