Freedom.

Something is stirring in my spirit, and I have to get this out! I felt like I could have preached up a storm today, and let me be the first to tell you that this Mama don't preach! Something rose up in me during our worship service, and it has just been bubbling inside me ever since. We sing a song by The Vertical Church Band titled Going Free. It is a pretty up beat song, here is some of the lyrics:

Go on and speak against my borrowed innocence
The judge is my defense, I'm going free
Right when the gavel fell, I heard the freedom bell
Ring through the heart of hell, I'm going free
I’m going free

Glory, glory, hallelujah
You threw my shackles in the sea
Glory, glory, hallelujah
Jesus is my liberty
I'm going free

In case you are reading this and haven't read any of my recent entries, I will fill you in on something Jesus and I have been discussing! I have this obsession lately of really digging into song lyrics. I have been burdened with how intimate worship should be. It should never just be a going through the motions act (not saying that it never gets that way, come on now...we are human). As we were singing this today, I started thinking about my freedom. It says "Glory, glory, hallelujah, You threw my shackles in the sea" -- STOP! Here is where I start to get excited! I'm getting all giddy right now just writing this! Worship is intimate, and it is corporate yes, but it is oh so personal. As I was belting this out I got to thinking of the things in my past that have bound me. Oh yes. You see, I have had shackles binding me. I have been through things that nobody knows about. I have fought battles that I have never spoken a word of to a single living soul. God has delivered me from so much....and the only one who knows is my Jesus. He is the only one who knows EXACTLY what I am saying when I shout "Glory, glory, hallelujah, You threw my shackles in the sea!!!!".....and going on to sing..."Right when the gavel fell, I heard the FREEDOM bell, ring through the heart of hell I'm going free!!!"....Oh hallelujah!!! How in the world can a person sing this song and not want to SHOUT??!!! I was bound, and now I am free!! The things that used to trip me up do not have that hold on me any more! 

About six months ago I started praying that I would be able to be more sensitive to the spirit. Sometimes I just feel like I do not know how to be emotional. I longed to be able to get into a place in worship where I could cry, maybe because tears are proof of feeling something-a sign of life. I just have a tough personality, I am not easily moved by things. God is moving though, I cannot hardly get through a song service where I do not cry. God is softening my heart. As I type these words I am desperate to describe what it means to me that God is changing me. Words seem to be failing me as of now, because I just cannot describe what I am feeling in my spirit. I am free! I guess to really know true freedom, we have to have been bound at some point. I'm beginning to ramble, possibly because it is almost two in the morning :D 

I'm going to wrap things up here. I praise God that I can truly say that He has thrown my shackles in the sea, and I have no desire to go swimming after them (isn't it odd that we tend to chase what bogs us down?). The battles I have fought I never fought alone. God knows the depths of the things that I have faced. He knows how far I have come in Him. I'm going deeper, something is stirring up in me!