Ramsay.

My dearest Ramsay. You have begun asking so many questions of greater depth than I knew you were capable. The answers to some of these questions are far beyond your intellect, in fact many of them are beyond my own intellect. I have spent the last six years of my life protecting you. I monitor who you are with, what you watch on the television, what you see on the news, and what you know of my past.  You recently asked me what divorce meant, and I have no idea where you even heard the term. I explained to you that sometimes when people get married, they change their mind and a divorce means they are not married any longer. When I tell you that divorce is something you will never know the pain of, I mean that with every fiber of my being. Not because I can see the future, and not because we are a perfect family, but because your father and I made vows that we intend to keep. Our marriage is not perfect, we fight and sometimes it is in front of you, and for that I am truly sorry. In some ways, I wonder if it is healthy for you to see that even strong relationships have tough times. I pray for your spirit when I see tears run down your cheeks due to an adult argument. There are so many adult issues pressing for the attention of your father and I. We do our best to keep you out of those things. Sometimes conflicts arise that need to be taken care of and it all boils over in front of you. Please do not let this taint the image of love for you. It is love that cleans up those arguments, puts them behind us, and allows us to move on. You have such wisdom for a six year old! I cannot count how many times you have encouraged me with the simplicity of your faith. When you put together the fact that Grandpa John and Grandma Dee Dee had gotten a divorce, I felt pain for you. Or maybe I felt pain for myself. I am not sure. But what I can assure you is that we serve a God of restoration! A lot of things happened to Mommy as a child, and many of those things I may never tell you. It will forever be my job to protect you, and there would simply be no good in you knowing some of those things. I love you more than life Ramsay. You are my tender hearted little boy. God will use your tender heartedness as you grow naturally and spiritually. Do not ever let anyone tell you that being sensitive is a bad thing. God can do so much with a soft spirit. As we venture this life journey together, we may stumble on some tough things to talk about, but I pray that as we work through them, you are not pained or burdened. I took on those burdens a long time ago, and now what is left is simply a story. As we dig into my past with your curiosity, look past the tears that stain my face. What hurts so much now is knowing how much I love you, and wondering if anyone ever felt that way about me.